The other night I couldn’t sleep. This is nothing new in my life. Often I run through the next day’s to-do list, reconsider interactions from the day, or simply continue to think long after Landon has fallen asleep. I had been thinking about all that we were waiting on, all the preparation it feels like we have already accomplished, but also how far away our departure to Nicaragua feels. And I was reminded of pregnancy.
Now, I have never been pregnant. However, I grew up in a family with a lot of cousins, two of my siblings were born while I was in high school, and I am a woman with numerous friends who have been pregnant. So even though I have never experienced this, I feel like I have a decent understanding of the ‘sections’ of the pregnancy.
First trimester: this new and exciting thing is happening, but it isn’t for sure. So a woman may choose to not tell anyone, or only tell a select few. She probably feels tired, not only from creating a new life, but also from the BIG emotions she is experiencing. Both pleasant and not.
Second trimester: it finally feels like it is safe to share the news. So she does. Most people are incredibly excited, but maybe a few jump into hurtful questioning. A few more people probably begin to offer advice, whether she asked for it or not. She also begins to show. The baby pushing its way into her life, displacing her previously arranged organs and sleep cycles, and making its presence very apparent.
Third trimester: I wonder if this just feels like the longest waiting phase of any mama’s life? She continues to grow bigger, the baby gaining strength and girth, disrupting her daily life at what might feel like very inopportune times. But in a way, she should begin to get used to this, as this baby will continue to disrupt her prior way of seeing the world, interacting within it, and living her life. Enduring until the end, until this unique little human is ready to leave the womb, can prove frustrating. It can be difficult to wait on, partly because of the excitement but also because of the discomfort.
If I am drastically wrong on any of these points, I welcome the feedback, however these are the things I’ve observed in pregnant family and friends for the past twenty-nine years. And do you know the craziest thing? This is EXACTLY how us moving our lives to Nicaragua has felt. There have been moments of secrecy, times of excitement, and wisps of fear. There was a time when Landon and I both knew in our hearts what the Lord was asking us to do, but we refrained from sharing because, to be honest, it was too fragile. We were afraid that maybe it wouldn’t happen. And we didn’t have all the answers to all the inevitable questions. Now we know that we know that we know that the Lord has told us to go, and we are preparing. We are selling things. Spending intentional time with loved ones. Praying a lot. We are in the second trimester of this thing. And soon we’ll transition into the third. Into the time that we will feel so ready to move, so ready to go, and yet we will still need to remain. In order for this thing to be fully mature and viable, we have to wait on the One who knows our beginning and our end.
I don’t pretend to understand all that we are going through, or the reason why it is all working out this way, but I have faith that it will be good. The end will be so much better than our supposed bests.