As another week in Oregon comes to a close, I find myself realizing just how close our departure day is. I got my work schedule for February today, and it made me realize how soon the day will approach that we board an airplane with one way tickets in our hands.

You may or may not have heard yet, but in an effort to raise money for our one time cost and because we want to see a bunch of our friends and family in one place, we are putting on a silent auction coupled with a dessert and wine social. It will all take place on February 27th, and you can find more out about it here.

We are so excited, also, to be sharing at our home church, Westside Faith Center, on the 31st. We have been so blessed to be a part of our church for the past five and a half years, and will truly miss the community of people there when we move.

We are so grateful for everyone’s continued encouragement and support as we prepare to pursue the Lord in Nicaragua. Thank you, again and again.

I wrote this two days ago, but it failed to load. Let me try again…
____________________________
I am currently sitting on a porch in Lima, Peru, listening to sirens and honking horns outside, and my husband and his sister sing along to old school rap inside. We came down to Peru about a week ago, on New Year’s Eve, to not only meet our new nephew Simon for the first time, but also to get some family time in before we move to Nica. My sister-in-law and her family live here, as missionaries, and though they will be back to Oregon in July to visit, we will have basically just moved to Nicaragua, making meeting up impossible. So once we learned of Landon’s termination of employment at Harvest House being final on December 30th, I looked at flights, and through some generous frequent flier mile donations, we were able to make this trip happen. To be honest, ever since we paid off the little we owed on MRI school we had been saving to come visit, and the timing just worked out perfectly for us to be here now. It was a welcomed blessing that we are attempting to soak up as well as possible.

What I have found interesting is how much we care about the people we love here and how little we care about the place. Sure, Peru is a BEAUTIFUL country with amazing places to see and food to eat, but at the end of the day, it is just a place. It is just an experience. What has made this trip so special has not been the ancient ruins we explored or the beautiful vineyards we hiked through, but instead the loved ones we experienced those things with. What has made this trip incredible has been snuggling our five month old nephew and having him recognize us when we walk back into the room. It has been hearing from the living room “Aunt Jamie, do you want to play with me?”, as Elliott holds up his newest (and pretty darn cool) Lego creation. It has been tickling Ezra or getting a hug from him first thing in the morning. It has also been good, meaningful conversation with two of the people we respect and admire the most in our lives, and sharing with them about all the big and little things we are experiencing in our preparation to move. For me, also, it has been watching my husband be around his sister. The two of them grew up overseas together, and for much of their lives were each other’s best friend and biggest support system. They have a bond that is incredible to witness and something I hope for if Landon and I ever decide to have kids.

I’m reminded of a word Mr. Buzbee gave me when we were praying at Ms. Margarita’s house back in August. He was praying and told me to no longer call myself poor. That we are rich and I should no longer say that we are not. In the moment I felt like that was about finances. About raising support and the Lord providing for the things He has called us to. And it was. But I have realized that it was, and still is, also about the people we have in our lives. The close-knit family on both sides, the incredible friends who are like family, and the deep community we are honored to be a part of. These relationships and bonds make us rich. Make us more wealthy in the deep things than we could ever be with worldly treasures. Finances enable us to do the work set before us, but these relationships are what we treasure. 

In this part of our journey it can be hard for me to think of things to write about. We aren’t in Nicaragua yet. We are still going to our jobs here. Buying groceries here. Paying our electricity bill here. It seems sort of the same, day in and day out, and not like anything anyone would want to read about. But I also promised myself that I would write even when I didn’t think I had anything to share, even when it sounded boring to me. So here it goes…

If you follow along with us on Instagram  you will have read that we are officially moving out of our apartment in the Whitaker at the end of December. In fact, we received our move-out instructions in the mail yesterday! Even though we have been preparing for this in sorting through everything and then selling almost all of it, I am sure that when we turn in our keys in a few short weeks there will be some emotions I’m not ready for. This little apartment has been our home for over the past three years. We have loved living in this part of town, so close to breweries, coffee houses and running paths. We have met incredible people in our neighbors, some of which we have become dear friends with and are already planning to meet up with in Nicaragua. We have been blessed by our landlord’s management style, and are grateful to have found such a beautiful place to come home to. I know it will feel strange to not return here.

By reading the past paragraph you might now be wondering, “Um, so where are you going to live after the end of this month?” The answer is breathtakingly generous: with some close friends, in their brand new home, in which they have already delegated the upstairs as our space. I’m not kidding. We went to their house to see it the other day, and as we walked upstairs they said, “So basically all of this up here is for you guys.” Um, what?! Not only will we have a room and bathroom, but also a bonus room that will act as a sort of living space for us. And all for the price of pitching in on utilities and Landon helping with cooking. We have been floored by their generosity, and just writing about this all has me on the brink of tears.

And on the subject of housing, we have a house to live in for June and July in Nicaragua!! A family who teaches at Nicaragua Christian Academy needed someone to sub-let their home for a couple of months while they are away, and we will be the ones to do that. It is an immense relief to know that when we get back from language school we will have a place to land, if even for a couple of months. I’m also excited for it because I feel like it will give us some time to find out where we want to rent, without feeling rushed.

Please continue to pray with us about our transition and the finances to get to and be in Nicaragua. We are at about 50% of our monthly needs and only 15% of our one time need. Those numbers feel discouraging to me, but I know the Lord told us to go, so I trust that He will make a way.

If you have considered supporting us, or feel an urge to as you read this, please contact us. We know we are still several months away from flying south, but we also want to have the financial aspect of moving taken care of well ahead of time so that we can focus on the kids and the work we have to do in Nicaragua when we get there, rather than on how we are going to pay rent and put gas in a car.

Lando’s turn:

I’m not the writer in this marriage, I guess that’s the result you get when you would rather be in school for the social aspect then the actual learning part. I never did apply myself in high school except for when it came to home economics and even at that I could of applied myself more to learning basic life applications like; changing a babies diaper, balancing a check book, or budgeting. Nope. Cooking on the other hand was my sweet spot. I excelled at that portion of class even to the point of deciding that Culinary school was where I was headed after I graduated high school (barely). I’ll save the details of that story for another time. For now just bare with me and my grammar. I want to share about a conversation I had earlier today.

A friend of mine and I were talking about a verse in 1 John. It’s a short verse, but it carries some weight.

1 John 5:21 – Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.

Pretty straight forward if you ask me. My first thought or interpretation of that would be for me not to worship man made things or creation around us instead of the creator. If I can be honest my thoughts tend to go towards those who don’t know Jesus as their savior. It’s simple right? If you don’t know Jesus, then you have to have other things you live for, which is in essence a form of idolatry. It’s just human nature. So if that’s the case, we who call ourselves christians (Christ-like), don’t have that issue of idolatry. Seems logical, but if you dissect that verse you realize that John wasn’t addressing the non-christians, he was actually addressing the church of Ephesus. Yep…the church. To most of us christians we admittedly say,” that’s not a surprise, we’re all humans prone to sin which is what idolatry is.”

Now I’m not writing this to point out what idolatry is or is not. I’m writing this to show you how subtle idolatry can creep in. By now you know what my wife and I are setting out to do, move to Nicaragua. The thought of moving internationally has been stirring in both of us from the very beginning of our relationship, heck, well before we even knew each other! The thought of moving to Nicaragua sounds ‘sexy’, but when you strip it all down you realize there are so many details in making this happen. One of which is the finances (not sexy). It’s the part we would rather skip over honestly, but that’s not reality.

Here we are right in the middle of our financial campaign and we are slowly watching our goals being met. Most of the time I’m confident without a doubt that God will make it happen, but then there’s ‘those’ times. Times of doubt, of panic, or just plain fear. They come from nowhere and shoot through my being like lightening. I’ll go from peace to panic in a flash and it’s as if I can feel fear himself wrapping his talons around my throat. All of the sudden I’m scared, nervous, and extremely anxious. My thoughts turn from the Lord and I begin worshipping the very things I’m told not to.

Philippians 4:6 – Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Sometimes these thoughts will last for several minutes and really that’s because I foolishly begin entertaining them. If I were to let my mind run, my life would be a mess. I would be so stressed out. Most of the time though, I’m aware of what thoughts are going through my head and I have to snap myself out of it. Literally, I have to say enough is enough and essentially slap my spirit awake. There’s a verse that speaks to this as well.

2 Corinthians 10:5 – We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

You see how easily idolatry tries to take root? All of the sudden I go from worshipping the Lord to bowing down to fear and the peace that I’ve been given about moving to Nicaragua is gone. The beautiful part about that is that experiencing those sudden bursts of anxiety reminds me of how much I need Christ in my life. I grab ahold of that fear and I hand it over to Jesus. It’s a constant reminder that I cannot do this nor would I want to do this without Him. The simple fact is that He told us to go, so He will make a way.

Where the money comes from only God knows, but that’s the best part. After all faith is believing in what is unseen and we believe that He won’t drop us. Even if it doesn’t look like what we thought it would, He still won’t drop us. God is perfect and His timing is beyond our scope. All Jamie and I are doing is stepping out in Faith, trusting and knowing that Jesus is standing there with his outstretched hand. I just have to be reminded not to focus on what I see, but have Faith in what I don’t see. I think we all need that reminder.

Some things we share on this blog will be fairly objective, explaining where we are with the details of our move and service. But other times (like today) we will share some deeper things. The things we are wading through in our hearts and souls. This is one of those.

________

11/19

I just finished watching a beautiful video about Ruby Ranch. The Hansow family did an online TV series about different ministries in Nicaragua that are bringing hope and light and one of the episodes featured Ruby Ranch.

I could barely hold back the tears (I only did because I was sitting here at the coffee shop). Tears of joy, over those sweet faces I am growing in hope and love for. Tears of expectation, imagining what it will feel like to be at the Ranch year round, ushering in the helpers and the recipients, facilitating their time there. Tears of sadness and mourning over the fact that I am still here, even though my heart is so clearly there.

I even pause to share these feelings. Sometimes my honesty forgets to be sensitive. It forgets that loved ones here feel big emotions towards this whole thing, too. I don’t want to be insensitive. And the desire to be there does not replace my desire to be near loved ones here. In fact all it does is remind that from now on, my heart will be torn. Torn between the place I will spend my life serving in, and the place where my roots began. Torn between the place of newness and adventure, and the place of familiarity and history. The former could not exist without the latter. Oregon (and in writing that name I mean all the family, friends and communities I have known and know here) prepared me for Nicaragua. It saw me through joy and pain. Days of great triumphs and great doubt. It grew me up and provided a place to launch from. As deep of an impact as I have had here, so I have received as well. And so I could not sit here in excitement without having first resided here in comfort. Without first having learned to ‘just be’ here in Eugene. In these circles. At these tables. On these streets.

So I hope my honesty isn’t painful to anyone. I pray it isn’t taken as flippancy towards the countless hours I have spent here. Because that is the last thing I hope to convey. Instead I hope that it is just what it is, honest explanations of the big things stirring in my soul that I had thought were dead and gone. Things that I thought I had lost when I boarded that plane in Kigali, back in 2009.

I wanted to share a little update about how things are going, and where we are with our preparations.

We have begun the fund-raising process! Thank you a million times over to those of you who have already committed to supporting us, who have given us towards our one time start-up cost, or who have simply said, “I’ve read the letter. We are praying. We will let you know.” You have no idea how encouraging it is to see progress on all of this. Just a few weeks ago we were driving home and I expressed to Landon that I had been pretty honest with the Lord that morning. “I just told Him, ‘Look. I need to see some progress. My heart is trying to get anxious and scared, and Lord, I need some help with this…'” About that time I looked out the window of the car and a magnificent rainbow was stretching across the sky. And just as clearly as I had been speaking to my husband, I heard the Lord speak to my heart, “Remember what I promised you.” I felt a little ashamed, but also very grateful, and the very next day we had three or four different people contact us about their desire to support us. So thank you!! On that note, on the right hand side of this page we will keep a running total of the support we have so far and what we need. It’ll look like giant thermometers.

We have sold most of the things we need to, though as I walk through our home I recognize more items that I will not be packing into a suitcase bound for Nicaragua. So please keep an eye out for new items on our For Sale page in the coming weeks.

We also have been generously offered a place to stay for the months of January through March, and we are so grateful. Some dear friends have space, and recently offered it to us, and we are incredibly humbled by it.

Yesterday (Saturday) we were able to share our story at our friends’ church in Salem. It was beautifully challenging, as it is a Latino church and neither Landon nor I could share our hearts in Spanish. Trying to keep your thoughts together, and remember to wait for the interpreter can be difficult. We made it though, and we were so blessed to hear over and again, “Dios te bendiga.”

In the next few weeks we are looking forward to sharing Thanksgiving with our friends and family, packing up our apartment, and continuing to invest in our circles here in Oregon.

The other night I couldn’t sleep. This is nothing new in my life. Often I run through the next day’s to-do list, reconsider interactions from the day, or simply continue to think long after Landon has fallen asleep. I had been thinking about all that we were waiting on, all the preparation it feels like we have already accomplished, but also how far away our departure to Nicaragua feels. And I was reminded of pregnancy.

Now, I have never been pregnant. However, I grew up in a family with a lot of cousins, two of my siblings were born while I was in high school, and I am a woman with numerous friends who have been pregnant. So even though I have never experienced this, I feel like I have a decent understanding of the ‘sections’ of the pregnancy.

First trimester: this new and exciting thing is happening, but it isn’t for sure. So a woman may choose to not tell anyone, or only tell a select few. She probably feels tired, not only from creating a new life, but also from the BIG emotions she is experiencing. Both pleasant and not.

Second trimester: it finally feels like it is safe to share the news. So she does. Most people are incredibly excited, but maybe a few jump into hurtful questioning. A few more people probably begin to offer advice, whether she asked for it or not. She also begins to show. The baby pushing its way into her life, displacing her previously arranged organs and sleep cycles, and making its presence very apparent.

Third trimester: I wonder if this just feels like the longest waiting phase of any mama’s life? She continues to grow bigger, the baby gaining strength and girth, disrupting her daily life at what might feel like very inopportune times. But in a way, she should begin to get used to this, as this baby will continue to disrupt her prior way of seeing the world, interacting within it, and living her life. Enduring until the end, until this unique little human is ready to leave the womb, can prove frustrating. It  can be difficult to wait on, partly because of the excitement but also because of the discomfort.

If I am drastically wrong on any of these points, I welcome the feedback, however these are the things I’ve observed in pregnant family and friends for the past twenty-nine years. And do you know the craziest thing? This is EXACTLY how us moving our lives to Nicaragua has felt. There have been moments of secrecy, times of excitement, and wisps of fear. There was a time when Landon and I both knew in our hearts what the Lord was asking us to do, but we refrained from sharing because, to be honest, it was too fragile. We were afraid that maybe it wouldn’t happen. And we didn’t have all the answers to all the inevitable questions. Now we know that we know that we know that the Lord has told us to go, and we are preparing. We are selling things. Spending intentional time with loved ones. Praying a lot. We are in the second trimester of this thing. And soon we’ll transition into the third. Into the time that we will feel so ready to move, so ready to go, and yet we will still need to remain. In order for this thing to be fully mature and viable, we have to wait on the One who knows our beginning and our end.

I don’t pretend to understand all that we are going through, or the reason why it is all working out this way, but I have faith that it will be good. The end will be so much better than our supposed bests.

In the summer of 2014, while backpacking with Landon in the Jefferson Wilderness, the words “go swiftly” were uttered to my soul. I was watching my husband walk the trail in front of me, with only the backpack on his back, and had been thinking of how much more free I felt in that moment, with minimal possessions attached to us. The words echoed in my heart and I knew there would come a time when we would be asked to walk swiftly, not tied down by numerous belongings.

I think that is why selling everything has felt so cathartic to me. I’ve been waiting to do it for a long time.

Back in August, when we were in Nicaragua for the mission trip, Brinson had mentioned to us that he would be coming to the States in October for a thing called Discovery Night. In Denver, Colorado, there is a Christian high school named Valor. Each year Valor’s Discovery program organizes and sends about 20 short-term mission trips from the student population. Everything from three night service events in downtown Denver, to month-long Spanish immersion programs in Guatemala. The students at Valor get a graduation requirement fulfilled by going on these trips, but more than that, they have life changing experiences. Brinson asked us if we would like to come, as Open Hearts is one of Valor’s ministry partners, and we would be seeing a lot of those same students in Nicaragua next summer. One of my best friends from high school and her family just happen to live in Denver, and we have been wanting to visit them as well, so we accepted the invitation, used airline miles to get there, and arrived in Denver on Friday the 9th.

What seems to be happening, more and more, is that the Lord is making connections for us. For instance: my friend who lives in Denver went to college on a pole vaulting scholarship, as did her husband. They were married on the track a few years ago, and then maybe almost two years ago they moved to Denver. I’m not positive of how they got the job, but they were on staff to coach at a local high school. They enjoyed it immensely, and it offered Sam a place to jump, as he pursues his dream of jumping in the Olympics.  Last summer when the Piersons were in Oregon visiting, we were sharing with them about this school in Denver that brings a team down to Nicaragua. They said it sure sounded like Valor, the place that they coached. That name sounded familiar to me, so I texted Brinson, and sure enough, it’s the same place. So this school, which has served in Nicaragua for the past seven years and has a huge heart for Ruby Ranch, is also the place where our very good friends (who are deeply in love with Jesus) have influence in students’ lives.

We toured the Valor campus on Friday with Debbie, the biology teacher who is also the team leader for the Nicaragua team that will come to Open Hearts. She is a rock star of a person, so genuine and kind, but also a fiery, passionate woman whose enthusiasm is contagious. She showed us all her ‘favorite places’ around campus, ending out at the football field. We walked out there and immediately all the track kids who were warming up came over to visit with Sam, Emmy and their almost 3-year-old son, Colton. I was acutely reminded of the importance of our circles where we are by watching the Piersons interact with the students out on the track. The impact that we can have by investing our time in the lives of others is immense, and it was apparent by these high school students’ reactions to seeing a familiar face.

Valor High School Stadium

On Saturday, Debbie and her husband Mark took us and Brinson on a walking tour of downtown Denver. Debbie is somewhat of a history buff, and used to home school her kids, so she had been on numerous tours of the various areas we went. And she did an incredible job remembering all the facts! It was a warm day, and walking around together gave us ample time to talk about Nicaragua, toss out ideas for the future, and share about the awesome things the Lord has done and is continuing to do in our lives. It was a sweet day of fellowship.

Near the capitol building

Denver capitol building

We spent Sunday morning doing one of our most favorite things: hiking with friends. In Boulder, Colorado, fairly close to town, there are a set of mountains called Flat Irons. It’s a very popular rock climbing spot, but there is also a trail that leads all the way to the top. Sam had hiked and then climbed part of the rocks with a friend recently, and explained that it was a hike we could do in tennis shoes and in a morning. It was magnificent. The trail was busier than I’m used to, but everyone was incredible nice and friendly, and it was so fun to hike with Colton. He is adventurous, determined and fearless, and he taught each of us a lot about being those things. The view from the top was beautiful and upon descending we went into Boulder to share a meal before heading back to Denver.

Determined Colton

The view overlooking Boulder

Sunday evening was Discovery Night, and it was powerful. There is something amazing about a gym filled with students and their parents, all passionate about serving the Lord. When we broke from the first main talk into our smaller groups, I was almost in tears as I listened to Debbie, Brinson and then Landon share with the students and parents gathered to hear more about Nicaragua. And I made a point to look around the room and remember the faces so that next summer when they come to Nicaragua, I can remember them. I felt humbled and honored to be a part of this whole thing.

We flew out on Monday evening, but that morning we went to breakfast with some good friends of the Buzbees and Brinson. These are people who have been to Nicaragua ‘so many times I’ve lost track’ and are dear friends. We have heard nothing but good things about the Jones’s, and we were excited to finally put faces to the names. We shared over breakfast about our heart, and what we see as our place in the Open Hearts team, as well as how we got to this place and the goodness of God along the way. We also were told of another connection we didn’t know existed: the wife of the Valor head track coach works for the Jones’s. And the track coach had raved about their pole vault coach to Mr. Jones. That pole vault coach is our friend Sam. We laughed at the smallness of it all, and inwardly I marveled at all of the pieces the Lord has brought together in getting us to this place.

We were so encouraged by the entire weekend, and it renewed a sense of peace and mercy over us as we fund raise and prepare to move. It was a beautiful time.